The Princess and Me

The day before harvest everyone was excited to finally become a part of a nice home-cooked meal. The corn was ready to be buttered, the wheat was excited to be a warm loaf of bread, and my family was excited to bathe in a nice, warm pot of stew. Everyone had come to terms with the whole dying part and we were just ready to be picked and sent to the pearly white gates; that were horizontal for some reason.

As the sun set, we were all buzzing with excitement! The bugs helped but I’d like to say it was mostly us. My family and I nestled up in our pod and said our last goodbyes. The crickets chirped loudly throughout the night until the next thing I know, our pod is shaking. It was finally happening! We were getting picked. We were lifted up like we were floating and then placed into a basket with other pods. The farmer then placed my neighbors and the rest of the pods in the basket and carried us off to a truck.

The truck ride was long and bumpy but all of us crops were inside getting more and more excited. The truck finally stopped and we heard a muffled conversation between the farmer and some fancy-speaking man. The farmer dropped the tailgate, pulled all of the crops out, and gave us to the fancy man. He then brought us into a room full of food, took us out of our pods, and gave us a shower in this giant bathtub. We were then dried off and placed in a bowl. We’d been harvested and prepared so all that was left was to be warmed and eaten, right? Wrong.

Some old lady came into the room talking about some dripping-wet girl claiming to be a princess. She said she had to test her and silly me thought it was going to be some sort of food allergy test. Ya’ know, since she came to the food room but nope. She walked over to us peas, grabbed me, and you’ll never guess what she did next.

She took me to a room with a bed frame and sat me on it. Sounds fine, but then she put 20 heavy mattresses on me. To make matters worse, she put 20 more, slightly lighter, mattresses on top of that. To make matters even worse, she made the wet girl sleep on the tippy top for a whole night. I was supposed to be getting cooked for dinner and finally get my destined death and I got slept on. Also, let’s not fail to mention that she was tossing and turning every hour of the night.

The next morning, she got out of bed and left but then the maid came in shortly after. She freed me from the mattresses and put me in her pocket. She then gathered all of the bedding and carried it out of the room. As she was walking, we heard the fancy man, the old lady, the old fancy man, and miss princess talking.

The old lady asked miss princess how she slept and she had the audacity to say, “Oh I slept awful! There was something poking me all night, no matter which way I turned. I’m left in bruises!” like it was my fault! The fancy people were happy and cheerful, and I think someone said something about a marriage.

I don’t know what happened next for them because I got shoved in a glass box and put on display. I was so far from where I was supposed to be and had been through so much that I thought the plot twists in my life were done. But no. Someone forgot to mention what happens when food doesn’t get eaten so I grew crippled and ugly. There are rumors that I was stolen but I was actually just thrown in the trash by the fancy people. Life’s always a fairytale, but which character are you?

Lauren Davis is the author of this piece.

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