A child simply thought of everything they have yet to accomplish,
grew older and realized to make a self investment
To gain advantage.
craved as a child was total acceptance,
But was always met with an alternative expression.
Now all that I am left with is depression.
Nothing new, depression.
Sorrow stops me on the tracks in the train of the goals left to accomplish
consistently and constantly craving an investment.
Someone to give an advantage.
Instead of sleeping on the coach in acceptance
Of the letter F grade expression.
Autism though is a new Expression
Did it cause the depression?
I wondered what I still could accomplish
Lists are my best self investment
Otherwise every breath my brain leaps to make an advantage.
Scattered, trying to do the next thing before the first thing before the last thing for acceptance,
Pretending to be everyone else for acceptance
Idolizing their every expression
Just so I dont hate myself into a depression
What they do I don’t understand how to accomplish
Faking it till I make it is a fake investment
In myself, but I refuse to give up the advantage
Every thought I think is an advantage
I lose myself in the thoughts I have of acceptance
Neurodivergent isn’t a negative Expression
Nor a state of depression
My thoughts are something they could never accomplish
No matter how big the investment
Leaning into who I am is the true investment
Unique tools only my brain has the key to take advantage
I just didn’t allow myself acceptance
Resulting in total chaotic expression
The key to escaping my depression
Success isn’t impossible to accomplish
Arrow Rock Literary Journal 