Scene 1 – Introduction
(A small bathroom that looks like it has been blocked off for years. There are two stalls, and two sinks. Both stalls are facing the audience and the sinks line the wall as you go towards the door on the right. There is a warning sign on the outside of the bathroom door. David enters quickly.)
DAVID: (Enters trying to unbuckle his belt) Oh come on. Who locks a bathroom door (He tries to open the second stall but it is locked) Fine. Fine! (Whatever He walks into the first stall and sits down to use the toilet, leaving the door open.)
HOUDINI: (Smoke appears from underneath the second stall, drifting into the first and Houdini steps out wearing an unlaced straight jacket and chains around his body) A-bra-ka-da-bra!
DAVID: (Falls to the ground in shock) Who’s there? Everyone says this bathroom is closed! (He turns around and sees who it is) Oh my god…
HOUDINI: It is I!
DAVID: How is it you?
HOUDINI: How is it me? The same way it is you!
DAVID: Houdini right?
HOUDINI: Yes! Yes! Now that you know it is me, you have to help me
DAVID: I am going to be honest here, I am new to this school and I’m not trying to make friends with a magician in a bathroom (David goes for the door).
HOUDINI: (Steps in front of the exit) Wait wait! I can help you make friends… With magic.
DAVID: Yeah… that’s the thing. I don’t know if you know this, but magic is kind of…
HOUDINI: The most wicked experience anyone can see?
DAVID: No. It’s banned.
HOUDINI: Banned? How could the 8th wonder of the world be banned?
DAVID: You see, after you died, a lot of people spent years trying to copy your life’s work. All of them were alumni of this school.
DAVID: And they all died.
HOUDINI: Oh dear.
DAVID: You’re saying oh dear, but you’re not the one who heard this at orientation at 7:30 a.m. on a Monday morning.
HOUDINI: What a welcome wagon.
DAVID: But since they were all from here, this school has made a special hard push for the banning of magic. Now of course there are girls like Jamie.
HOUDINI: Jamie? Who is Jamie? She some kind of hard ass about the rules?
DAVID: No, the hall monitor is the hard ass. They call him the “magic police.”
HOUDINI: But what about Jamie?
DAVID: Oh, she’s the exact opposite. She is lovely and pretty and really pushing to get magic to be allowed back in school.
HOUDINI: So we like this girl? Ah? Ah?
DAVID: Oh shut up. I am new here. She doesn’t even know who I am.
HOUDINI: But we can make her fall in love with… Magic!
DAVID: Oh no. I am not falling for whatever you have planned. I cannot get kicked out of another school (He leaves the bathroom).
HOUDINI: (Gestures in David’s direction.)
Scene 2 – The Magic Police
(After David walks out the door and off the stage he immediately walks back on stage and walks through the bathroom door.)
DAVID: Okay. What the hell did you do?
HOUDINI: What are you talking about?
DAVID: I walked out of that door and Veronica Harper waved and said hello to me.
HOUDINI: What is so surprising about that?
DAVID: Veronica Harper is the captain of the cheerleading squad. From what I heard, to date her you have to date her three closest friends first. All of which are prettier than the one before them.
HOUDINI: So what? She said hi. That is great for you!
DAVID: No you did something. What did you do? Spill it.
HOUDINI: Fine fine fine. You caught me. I might be more than just the ghost of Houdini.
DAVID: You’re what?
HOUDINI: I am also a genie.
HOUDINI: Yeah when a magician dies, we spend the rest of time as a genie until someone comes along and fulfills our final wish.
DAVID: Wait. You’re the genie. And I have to fulfill YOUR wish?
HOUDINI: Isn’t that exactly what I said?
DAVID: Sorry sorry. I’m just caught up on one thing. So your title is now Houdini… the genie
HOUDINI: I prefer the genie, Houdini, but to each their own.
MAGIC POLICE: (Knocking on the bathroom door) Hey! Is anyone in there! This restroom is off limits!
DAVID: (Quietly to himself) Oh god (Runs into the first stall and shuts the door behind him. Out loud) I am in the bathroom!
MAGIC POLICE: That’s it. I’m coming in (Uses his keys to unlock the door. The rest of this encounter Houdini is standing behind the magic police outside of his view doing small card tricks behind his back.)
MAGIC POLICE: Who’s in there?
DAVID: (Emerges wearing a full tuxedo.) Sorry I am new here and I just needed to use the bathroom.
MAGIC POLICE: (Looks David up and down with a confused look) So you are new here?
MAGIC POLICE: So I am guessing you aren’t aware of our uniform policy?
DAVID: (Looks down at his clothes and realize what he is wearing. He tries to cover it up with his hands and he eventually hides behind the stall door.) Oh my God I am sorry I was just in my gym clothes… (He cringes knowing what he said was very dumb.)
MAGIC POLICE: Well. I suggest wearing something a little more comfortable, but hey, I don’t have to take gym anymore. Ha! But seriously you need to be in uniform in the halls.
DAVID: I have an extra set of clothes in my locker. You know, just in case I spill something or-
MAGIC POLICE: I don’t need your life story, kid. Have a good day. And remember, no magic (Magic police walks out of the bathroom)
DAVID: What the hell, man?
HOUDINI: I wanted you to look the part when you fulfilled my final wish.
DAVID: Listen dude. I’m not doing it. Just let me change my clothes and leave (David walks out of the bathroom.)
HOUDINI: (Waits for David to be off stage and then gestures in his direction again.)
Scene 3 – Jamie
(After walking off stage David immediately walks back on wearing the normal school uniform. He walks through the bathroom door.)
DAVID: Alright. If you are going to use your magic to change me back, can you at least wait until I am not in the middle of the hall? Or even better, don’t do it at all!
HOUDINI: I was just trying to help.
DAVID: Well I didn’t ask for it! (Walks into the first stall and sits on the toilet and begins to use it.)
HOUDINI: What are you doing?
DAVID: Doing what I came here to do.
HOUDINI: Well you could at least close the door…
DAVID: You changed my outfit twice in one day. I think we are close enough for this.
HOUDINI: I will be out when you are done. (Walks into the second stall and closes the door behind him.)
DAVID: (A few seconds pass and he reaches for the toilet paper and wipes. When his hand comes back from out of the toilet, the paper is now a colorful handkerchief attached to more and more on a long chain.) Oh no oh no. (He keeps pulling and pulling and the chain just starts to pile up around the floor of the bathroom.) What the hell man!
HOUDINI: (Sarcastically) I have no idea what you are talking about.
DAVID: (Still pulling the chain out.) Oh you know what I am talking about.
JAMIE: (Knocking on the door.) Hello?
JAMIE: Is everything okay?
DAVID: (Trying to clean up the chain.) Yep! Everything is fine!
JAMIE: Are you sure? Because I watched you walk in and out of this bathroom multiple times. You know you’re not supposed to be in there right?
DAVID: I’m coming to find that out as I go.
JAMIE: Are you the new kid everyone is talking about?
DAVID: That depends, who’s asking?
JAMIE: Well I am Jamie.
DAVID AND HOUDINI: Jamie?!
JAMIE: Are there two of you in there?
DAVID AND HOUDINI: NO! (They look at each other and David signals to Houdini to be quiet.)
JAMIE: I’m coming in.
DAVID: Wait! (He rushes to the door and holds it shut. He whispers to Houdini.) Do something about this mess!
HOUDINI: (Begins to pick up the handkerchief and shoves it in the toilet and slams the door behind him as he says) What is up with people walking into bathrooms at this school? (Goes back into the second stall and locks the door behind him.)
JAMIE: (Throws the door open and knocks David to the floor.) Can I please ask what is going on here?
DAVID: (Still laying on the ground.) I have a friend
JAMIE: A what?
DAVID: (Stands up) I have a magic friend
JAMIE: Well, where is he?
DAVID: (Points towards the second stall.) He’s in there.
JAMIE: Alright, I came here to see if you were as cool as everyone said, but obviously I was wrong. Everyone knows that stall is always locked. (She leaves.)
DAVID: No wait. Please (Heads towards the door as Houdini steps out of the stall) Can you get her back, please? (He exits and heads off stage.)
HOUDINI: (As David gets offstage, Houdini gestures towards David’s direction.)
Scene 4 – Jamie and the Magic Police
(David comes sprinting back into the bathroom. He looks very frantic.)
DAVID: I asked for you to help. What the hell did you do?
HOUDINI: Actually you asked me to get her back.
DAVID: I didn’t mean like this though. The magic police are looking for me!
HOUDINI: Ahhh, and she will defend you from the magic police, because she is oh so perfect.
DAVID: No. They will find me in here again and I’ll be screwed. Make me invisible or something!
HOUDINI: Okay, you know nothing about magic.
DAVID: How am I supposed to learn anything about magic when you have yet to explain yourself?
MAGIC POLICE: (Knocks on the door.) We know you are in there!
JAMIE: Kid if you are in there, stay strong.
DAVID: (To Houdini) Do it!
HOUDINI: I can do you one better. Strike a pose! (Houdini gestures at David The Magic Police and Jamie enter. They both walk in and immediately notice David kneeling as if he were the statue “The Thinker.” The Magic Police think he is a statue, but Jamie knows it is him. She goes to cover for him, but the police speak first.)
MAGIC POLICE: Wow. Can’t believe the art department would start to use this bathroom as a storage compartment (As he turns around David sneezes.) What was that?
JAMIE: Wasn’t me.
MAGIC POLICE: Hmmmmm. Must’ve been those faulty pipes. You know the school should really figure that stuff out. Alright nothing to see here (He walks out. The door shuts and Jamie turns around and looks at David still kneeling in his pose. She slowly walks up to him, looks at him really close, and then smacks him in the back of the head.)
JAMIE: What the hell was that?
JAMIE: The police are dumb, but not that dumb.
DAVID: I mean from what I have perceived.
JAMIE: Shut up. Something is going on here.
DAVID: I’m cursed! I’m cursed. I’m so cursed. You see, earlier I came in here, because I needed to go to the bathroom and there was no line at this bathroom, but I know that you shouldn’t just walk into bathrooms no one is using, but I just had to, so I came in here and I tried to use the second stall because the first stall is always the dirtiest, but it was locked, even though I didn’t see anyone underneath, but I said whatever and went in the first stall and now I have a genie.
JAMIE So I am going to need details, or I am never talking to you again.
DAVID: He said I have to fulfill his wish and then he can pass on. The genie is Houdini.
DAVID: Yeah, I know, but he wants me to do magic and I am trying to not get kicked out of.
DAVID: Yeah, I know. It sounds stupid when you say it.
JAMIE: Oh, I thought it was cool.
DAVID: Then it does not sound stupid when you say it.
JAMIE: What does he want you to do?
DAVID: His final trick. Listen I don’t know very much about him, but I’ve seen his face enough to know what he looks like. Didn’t he die doing his last trick?
JAMIE: I don’t know, but you know what I think?
JAMIE You should do it
DAVID: (Pouting) But why?
JAMIE: I think if I had the opportunity to help a dead celebrity, I would.
DAVID: But but but
JAMIE: Nope. I’ve made up my mind. You make up yours (She exits the bathroom and leaves the stage.)
DAVID: (He follows.) Jamie, but wait!
Scene 5 – Finale
(About 30 seconds goes by and Houdini is walking around the room. David slowly approaches the bathroom and opens the door. He walks in looking defeated, but determined.)
DAVID: I’ll do it.
HOUDINI” You’ll what?
DAVID: I said I will do it.
HOUDINI: Oh my goodness thank you so much! I really do owe you one.
DAVID: Don’t dwell on it so much. Let’s just get this over with. Use your little magic and-
HOUDINI: Oh no no. My wish is for YOU to do my trick. I can’t help you in any way besides the set up.
DAVID: Then we will do it here.
HOUDINI: Oh no no. You must do it in front of an audience.
DAVID: Hey that wasn’t in the rules.
HOUDINI: I never got around to saying all of the rules. You must do it in front of an audience.
DAVID: (Gestures towards the audience.) Well what about them?
HOUDINI: (Looks out into the audience and shrugs.) I guess they will do.
DAVID: Alright what do I have to do?
HOUDINI: (Takes off his chains and straight jacket and puts them on David.) Put these on and go into the second stall.
DAVID: The second stall? But was locked just a while ago.
HOUDINI: Well it is unlocked now (Pushes David into the stall.) Now go! (He shuts the stall door and David is sitting on the toilet to where we can see his feet.)
DAVID: Well alright. Wait. You never explained to me what the trick is. What am I supposed to be doing? We hear saw blades spinning up Wait what is going on? You said if I did this you would stop bothering me.
JAMIE: (Enters and stands next to Houdini.) Oh he will
DAVID Jamie? Is that you? Can you get me out of here? I don’t think I can go through with this.
JAMIE: Yes you can, and you will.
DAVID: I thought you were cool! Jamie please! Someone! (Buzzing of saw blades hitting flesh is heard and David screams and lifts his feet in pain and eventually stops.)
JAMIE: How many more do you need until you stop bothering me?
HOUDINI: I think one more will do the trick.
JAMIE: Do you think these guys will ever catch on?
HOUDINI: Of course not. Just like a good magic trick you pull them in with a few details, me, scare them with fear, the police, and throw in some misdirection, you, and they will never see the ending coming.
JAMIE: I have to get to class (Starts to head out.)
HOUDINI: On your way out, take down that sign. It is scaring away our guests (Jamie takes the warning sign off of the door as she exits. Houdini heads back into the second stall and David is already gone. He shuts the door and locks it.)
Timothy Henderson Jr. is working towards earning a Bachelor’s degree in Theatre. He has been writing for a while but has been telling stories since he could speak. He hopes to start conversations or lend laughs to the ones who do not smile as much as he wished they would.